Understanding Emotions and Opening up

Sometimes we may feel like being a burden and have difficulty opening up. This may happen to be because of past trauma and difficult experiences where we didn't get the outcome we expected from opening up, instead being rejected or devaluated, sometimes leaving us feeling worse than we were initially.

Starting point

When opening up, we want firstly to look at our emotions, this may be a part of the conversation with the other person but it could also be something we do independently on our own first. 

Trying to get to the source of the problem and understanding it is one of the most crucial parts when dealing with emotions. Understand it, where it really comes from, dive deeper and don't let yourself be tricked by the first or surface feeling that comes up to your mind, understand what's underneath that generates that feeling and is messing around with you. Identify it.

Relationship component and responsibility

Opening to someone is a relational thing, it's not something for you to do completely on your own, as it involves a relationship with someone. Working up the courage to "open up" isn't right, as it's something where there's another human being and they can help you with that. So, it can be made way easier if we just ask for permission, ask for feedback, and give appreciation.

Being on the listener’s side

A very important thing when someone is opening up, make the person feel understood and ask questions that are understanding, work through the problem with the person and don't invalidate their concerns.

Don't make hard statements and let the person find their own answer. Your job there is to help and not do the job for them, as we possess no control over other people's lives.

Motivating someone to open up

You shouldn't try forcing someone to open up. When dealing with people that are undergoing through tough times, the best we can do is make clear you have a door open for them, that we'll be there to listen and help.

Bonus point: Meditation and emotions

As stated earlier, to help starting and finding the problem, understanding ourselves is key. Asking the inner questions and figuring out what's bothering us. There are various ways to do so and improve one's self understanding, but here's a cool and simple one to use. 

Studies have shown that emotions are tightly connected to physical sensations and mapped them out. as it can be seen here: Maps of subjective feelings

Sit down straight, close your eyes, maintain your breath as usual (don't do deep breaths even if you feel inclined to), and analyse your whole body from top to bottom, head to toes, focusing at one point at a time, understanding what aches in you. Then after doing this carefully, check the map of feelings and see if it helps you figuring out what you're feeling. Good luck! 

This text was heavily inspired by Dr K Teaches You on How to Open Up